My Life as a Danielle Steel Novel
by darkwoodsdreamer
Summary: Remus recounts his life on the day after James and Lily die and scoffs at how cheesy his romance with Sirius is, although he isn't complaining... Rated T because you should know by now I rate everything T.


**Written for the Poets Pen Challenge by Shira Lansys, here is My Life as a Danielle Steel Novel. I came up with that title while half asleep so excuse the oddness of it. I hope you enjoy and remember to review!**

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><p>My life is like a really cheesy romance novel... that got a bit mixed up on the way. You know how you read those books where you have the boy who's doing drugs or stealing or something like that because he's had such a bad life and then the girl who's all pretty and perfect and sees him as nothing but a nuisance until, for no apparent reason, she falls in love with him and they live happily ever after? Well, there's no happy, pretty, Daddy's girl character in this love story. There isn't even a girl in the first place.<p>

My name is Remus Lupin. I know what two questions are running through you're head right now so I'll just answer them now - Yes, you read that right. No, I don't know what was wrong with my mother.

But that's not what we're talking about. This is about me and Sirius.

Oh, I haven't introduced him yet, have I? Sirius Black is my husband. You're going to freak out now, right? We're two males and we're married? What has this world come to? Trust me, I've heard it all before. Do your worst.

So after that revelation, how many of you are still with me?... That few? Ah well, I sorta saw it coming anyway.

Argh, no more distractions! Get on with the story, Remus!

Right. So, Sirius. We met at school and I don't know how to describe it except love at first sight. Hey, what are you groaning about? I warned you, my life is a cheesy romance novel! Anyway, I'd always known that I was, you know, gay, but Sirius grew up in a pureblood family and they hat everyone who's not human, straight, a Voldemort-supporter, and a pureblood. In fact, Sirius had never even heard the word gay. He didn't know that there were people who were attracted to the same sex.

So you can imagine that he was scared out of his mind. I have to say, I was a lot more daring as a kid. I think that all changed around third year... but we'll talk about that later. I remember I cornered him one day in the Great Hall, maybe a month into first term. I had quickly become friends with James Potter and Peter Pettigrew as well and simply told them we'd catch up later. We ate in silence until the rest of the Hall had emptied. It was then that I said, oh what was it... Ah, yes.

"Sirius, what do you think of me?" Sirius was surprised. He put down his spoon and gave me this look, I couldn't describe it if I tried, but it made me feel even smaller than I already was - and I was incredibly short.

"You're my good friend, Remus. I think you're an awesome person who's very smart and fun and you have pretty amber eyes-" Sirius never thought before he opened his mouth, ever. He slapped a hand over his mouth and I looked at him in surprise. At that point, I hadn't really considered that he might like me back; I had really just wanted to get it off my chest. Looking back now though, it was really obvious.

"You think they're pretty?" I asked, smiling slightly. "I never really liked them, I thought they were weird; you really like them, then?" Sirius lowered his hand and he was blushing furiously. This is the only time I can remember him ever blushing. Trust me, I would have remembered Any other time the suave and debonair Sirius Black blushed. He sort of half nodded.

"Remus? Is it weird... I mean, do you ever... Well... Uh..." he kept tripping over his words. I smiled at him, trying to encourage him. I probably did more damage than good, now that I think on it. I let him try a few more times before I interrupted.

"Sirius, I'm gay." I blurted out. Okay, not the best way to start this conversation, I admit it. But really, he just sat their stuttering at me and getting no where. I had to do something.

"I- you're... what?" he was utterly perplexed. "Gay...? I'm about to sound horribly stupid but - what the hell does gay mean?" I just kinda looked at him in disbelief. I had known that pureblood families didn't support gays, or anything besides exactly what they themselves were (coughcoughbitchescoughcough) but I had no idea they didn't even tell their kids that it existed.

Now it was awkward. "Oh... Um, well, gay means that, basically, I don't like girls. I, uh, like guys." I was expecting disgust, or maybe him to whip out a Bible and cross like that Ravenclaw girl who had asked me out, but instead I was met with relief. Not the reaction I normally got, but I wasn't complaining.

"Oh, Merlin, so there's nothing wrong with me." he said, exhaling deeply. "Do you know how long I thought I was a freak because my parents would introduce me to girls that they wanted to engage me to-" I interrupted him here.

"As a kid?" I asked. Frankly, I was a bit horrified. How often are you told that you're friends family tried to get a hold engaged?

"I think I met the first one when I was 7." More horror on my part, but I didn't say anything. "But I was never thought they were pretty or anything like my father said I should. But I saw some other boys and thought they were pretty when I was about 9. I've been scared I was deformed or mentally retarded ever since." I felt sorry for him. I decided then that I hated his parents. I didn't have much to go on, but I was an 11-year-old who had the biggest crush on his mate, so I wasn't exactly thinking straight anyways. Which is probably why I said what I said next.

"Sirius, do you like me?" I asked. Like I said, as a first year I was a lot more daring. If you had merely mentioned this to me after third year I would turn bright red. Even now I don't like thinking about it... Anyway, Sirius was the one who turned red this time. He couldn't even look me in the eye.

"Uh... Well, I mean, do you? Like me, that is."

"I asked first."

"So?"

"So you have to answer me first."

Sirius sighed. "Fine." he paused. "Yeah, I guess I kinda do."

You'd've been hard pressed to find a kid more ecstatic then I was at that point. "Really?" I asked, my glee pretty obvious. But Sirius was never one to take obvious hints.

"Um, yeah." he said, rubbing the back of his neck and looking in the opposite direction. "You're weirded out now, huh?" I shook my head.

"Not at all. I like you too. A lot." Sirius looked at me in surprise before smiling.

And that was how we got together. Doesn't get much cheesier than that. And everything went smoothly for quite a while; 2 whole years in fact. Okay, we had little fights here and their, but it was in third year that my friends all found at my big secret. Not the gay one - James worked that almost right after Sirius and I got together. We were astounded really. Who knew James actually thought? No, this time they figured out I was a werewolf.

It was my own fault really. I should have seen it coming. I should have known they wouldn't accept that my mother was sick forever. I think that was my first mistake.

Well, that and trying to face a boggart in Defense Against the Dark Arts class.

"Okay, line up! You'll each face the boggart one at a time. What's the spell you use?" barked the Defense teacher, Professor Kurtz.

"Riddiculus!" shouted back the class. He nodded.

"Right, everyone in line!" Now, Kurtz never liked me. He was your average wizard, you know the type, the ones who hate just about every creature known to man besides man themselves. That included werewolves. I should have known he was setting me up when I heard, "Lupin, why don't you go first?" In my defense, I was the top of the class. It made sense in my mind that I would be chosen to go first.

I nodded and stepped up front, the rest of the class falling into step behind me. When the boggart was let out, it immediately became a moon. I cursed myself for not expecting this and quickly shouted, "Riddiculus!" hoping no one had time to figure out what exactly it was and what it meant. I turned quickly to see it any of the particularly smart students had figured it out. James looked at me for a second and a look of understanding dawned over him and he whispered something to the others.

Well I was pretty sure I was screwed at that point so I ran. My werewolf strength made me extra fast and I was out of the classroom and down the hall before anyone had realized I was gone. I hid in a broom closet. I figured if I wen back to the dorm I shared with the other Marauders (James Pete and Sirius that is) they would easily find me and their wouldn't be any empty classrooms during class. So broom closet it was. I just sat and caught my breath really. Didn't even cry. I think I was in too much shock to cry.

Well, Sirius found me eventually. It took him a good hour, mind you, but he found me. He flung open the door, sweating and gasping for breath. He looked like he had just run a marathon.

"Thank... Thank goodness I... found... you." he sat down hard on the floor and leaned back, panting.

"You were looking for me?" I asked incredulously. I had honestly thought he hated me now because of what I was. I should have known better.

"Of course. You took of running... I had to come find you. Make sure you were alright." I looked down at the floor and blushed slightly. Not even my own mother cared that much about me. "Is it true Remus? Are you a werewolf?"

"Yes." I didn't know what was coming but I expected a whole lot worse than what happened next. Sirius got up off the floor and hugged me. I froze, confused, but relaxed and hugged him back even though I still expected him to tell me that I was filth or turn me over to the Ministry or something of that nature still. I may have had book smarts but my common sense was way off the mark. I don't think I would have even become friends with him in the first place if it wasn't.

"Sirius... so, you don't hate me?"

"Of course not. I'll always... I'll always love you Remus." If was happy about him not hating me, then now I was positively glowing.

"I'll always love you too." I told him. And I meant it. He pulled away from the hug and leaned in a bit hesitantly, kissing me for the first time. I was again surprised but I kissed him back all the same. A tingly feeling fan through my body and what should have been the worst day of my life was suddenly the best one.

And everything was okay again. We were happy and care free, our only thoughts homework, pranking, and when we could find time to be alone. Until 5th year. Even today I can't understand what possessed him to do such a thing, but Sirius was never one for rational thought. Granted he was drunk, but still.

One night on the full moon, Sirius got drunk. He must have been upset by something, but he never told me what. This was before he and the others became animagus so they didn't come with me to the Shrieking Stack every month. Now, since I wasn't there, I might not have the whole story but my understanding was that it went something like this: Sirius, in his drunken stupor, went wandering around after hours and met old Severus Snape, known enemy of the Marauders, who started to provoke him. He must have said something about me to him that led him to reveal where I was. Well, Snape took the bait and came rushing to the Shrieking Stack. James learned what he had done when he returned to the common room and ran down to protect my secret. He caught Snape just as he was entering the tunnel leading to the Shack, but he still saw me and ever since he's known about my lycanthropy. He was sworn to secrecy by Professor Dumbledore - I don't know how he managed it but I am eternally grateful - and if he had not been there is no doubt in my mind he would have told the whole school. I didn't remember all this happening when I woke up but James told me. I was furious with Sirius and you could tell by just looking at the kid that he hated himself over what he had done. I wanted to forgive him when I saw how much of a toll it was taking on him, but I didn't at the same time. I knew I should hate him and never want to see him again, but I found myself making excuses for him.

It went on like this for weeks, both of us slipping further and further from ourselves until finally, Sirius snapped. He just couldn't take it anymore and didn't want to have to deal with it. I think the moment I walked into the dorm that evening was the single most frightening moment of my life. Sirius was sitting on the bed he hadn't been on ever since The Prank holding a knife. This would have been bad enough even if the knife hadn't been pointing straight at his own heart.

"Sirius what- Sirius, put the knife down." I said, warily but firmly. I didn't dare approach him incase he did it. He didn't respond but shook his head and gripped the knife tighter. "Sirius, I mean it. Put it down."

"Why do you care? I thought you hated me." his voice was emotionless. I shook my head. I was getting desperate - he still hadn't lowered the knife, not even an inch.

"I never hated you Sirius. All these weeks I wanted to forgive you but... I don't know, maybe I was just afraid that you didn't want my forgiveness anymore." I said. Sirius looked at me and lowered the knife a fraction. I pressed on. "You know I've been watching you all this time and I know you feel horrible about what you did and Sirius, it's okay. I couldn't stay mad at you if my life depended on it." I blabbed on. I was just trying to fill the space and keep him listening for as long as I can. I don't think Sirius would have listened to me if James hadn't walked in at that very moment.

"Hey Moony, what- Sirius, what the hell are you doing?" James almost yelled. "Put that down - now!" he ordered. It was probably surprise that made him put his hands in his lap along with the knife. Just as soon as he had recovered he gripped it tightly. We all took a step back - everyone knew about the Black family madness and I guess we were a bit scared he would attack us or something.

Well this was it for me; I couldn't take it anymore, I just broke down. "Sirius, please." I pleaded through the tears that suddenly started flowing down my face. Sirius looked at me with - was that concern? Well, it looked like it anyway. "Sirius, don't do it. I-I couldn't live with myself..." I couldn't even talk anymore through the tears and James rushed over as I crouched on the floor and put an arm around me. This seemed to get through to Sirius and he put the knife down to rush over to me to comfort me. He pushed James away - literally, right on the floor and everything. James was not pleased. He threw his arms around my waist and pulled me to him, whispering comforting things in my ear.

We didn't bring up Sirius's suicide attempt ever again after that. I don't think any of us really wanted to remember. We all pretended like we had forgotten, even though we knew none of us would forget.

Well we both got through our OWL's and NEWT's alright, and Sirius went on to be an Auror. As a werewolf, none of my jobs held long. After a few months the pieces would fall into place when I called out sick once a month and I would be fired immediately. Sirius, of course, noticed this and decided that it couldn't go on. I had really wanted to live on my own, you know, prove I could support myself, but Sirius said I had "proved enough in my life" and made me move in with him. Well, I say made, but I didn't exactly resist too much.

James and Lily finally got married in '80, 1 year after we had graduated and James had become a Chaser for the Tornado's and Lily worked at St. Mungo's. It wasn't long after that, sometime in November, that Lily got pregnant.

Lily's mom made her get some sort of Muggle test done to see what the gender of the baby would be and the test told her she was going to have a little boy. James and Sirius had a ball picking out Quidditch toys and toy brooms for the kid as though they expected he was going to pop out able to walk and talk. I got dragged along on a lot of the expeditions, much to my amusement.

Lily was about 8 months along when she held her baby shower. I didn't really see the point - what did she still need that James and Sirius hadn't already bought? But she insisted that it was tradition and had to be done with a wink at Sirius.

"What was that wink about?" I had asked suspiciously. She only smiled mysteriously.

"Oh nothing." I frowned, frustrated, but she just laughed and Sirius gave me a peck on the lips.

"Don't worry, love. Everything will make sense soon." he assured me.

And make sense it did. After the shower had ended and most of the guests had gone home save the Marauders, Sirius dragged me into the middle of the room. I shot a questioning look at James and Pete but they only grinned stupidly, like they knew something I didn't. Which they did of course.

Sirius cleared his throat and pulled something out of his muggle sweater pocket. He got down on one knee and, with a dramatic flourish only he could get away with, he presented the box to me, a beautiful diamond ring set in a gold band inside, and said,"Remus John Lupin, I love you with all of my heart and never want to live without you." I was smart enough to figure out what was going on and I was covering my mouth with my hands, a grin that was probably even stupider looking than Pete's on my face underneath. "Will you marry me?" he asked.

"Of course I will." I managed to squeak out. Sirius grinned as well and stood up. He slipped the ring on my left ring finger and pulled me to him, planting a firm, passionate kiss to my lips. Lily, James, and Pete clapped and I heard the click of a camera. I rolled my eyes as I pulled away. James would take a picture.

"What?" he asked, seeing the look on our faces. "This is an important moment. Of course I'm taking a photo." None of us could stop grinning.

Until about 5 minutes later, when Lily went into labor.

We all stayed in St. Mungo's that night with James, waiting for the moment when the Healer would call us into the hospital room to see Lily and baby Harry.

When they brought little Harry home from the hospital, the Marauders spent about half their lives over at the Potter house, fawning over the boy. Sirius once said he was going to "kidnap the brat and take him home with us." To this day I'm not sure whether he was joking or not.

I have to admit, I was pretty fond of him too. He looked exactly like James except for the eyes, which were without a doubt Lily's eyes. He knew me as "Moony", or that had been the idea. Turns out children his age can't say Moony; instead they just say Moo. I didn't think I would ever live it down. I probably wouldn't of either.

Which brings me to yesterday, August 24, 1982. Yesterday, Voldemort somehow found them and broke into the house, murdering my best friend and his wife but somehow unable to kill their son. And if this wasn't bad enough, I discovered who the traitor Dumbledore had been looking for was - Sirius Black. The very same man who was closer to James than any of us were, the one who smiled when I was happy and held me when I was sad, was a filthy disgusting traitor. And he didn't stop at James, but killed little Pete too. Little gullible defenseless Pete - well we were all gullible because we all believed he was who he said he was for 9 whole years.

William Blake, a famous Muggle poet, once wrote, "And the sun never does shine, and the fields are bleak and bare, and their ways are filled with thorns, it is eternal winter there." Sometimes this fits my life, when I think of James and what Sirius did, but then other times I think about how much Sirius meant to me, how close we were, and I can't think of life as just a winter field, dead and snowy.

And there are times when I just hate myself because I can't even be completely mad at Sirius, I can't really hate him for what he did. I'm not even allowed that small comfort of having someone to blame and despise for the murder of my best friends.

I told him I would always love him.

And, god dammit, Sirius Black, I really am still in love with you.


End file.
